Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
