I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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