I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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