K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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