What a fucking waste of an outfit
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
