ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
