Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
