listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
