Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
