Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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