Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
