p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
