i just made my gag reflex go away.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
