feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
