if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
