I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
