Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
