i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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