I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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