i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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