Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
