just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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