I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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