Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
