Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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