The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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