so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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