no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
