she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
