She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
