id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
