I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
