I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I need help removing her.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
