last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
