I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
