I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
