You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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