She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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