the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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