i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you never un-have a 4some
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
