she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
