Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
