i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
