Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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