Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
