Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
