It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
