drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
