Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
