After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
