is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
