You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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